An Extrovert in the House

Do you like time to yourself? Do you like to have time to think through problems or decisions before responding? Do you prefer communicating through writing rather than talking?

If you have answered yes to all of the above, than most likely you are an introvert, just like Bec and I. We like peace and quiet. We like to read. We like to spend time sitting quietly, thinking, reflecting, reading, writing and so on.

Introverts often get a bad rap. We can be accused of being anti-social and of not being a team player. But it’s simply not true. We do enjoy being with people, but we find it just a bit tiring. For us, a little bit of socialising goes a long way.

I really dislike the way the word “loneliness” is attached to introverts. Just because we have a smaller circle of friends and often prefer to do some things on our own, doesn’t mean that we are lonely.  It’s not loneliness, it’s solitude and solitude is very important for introverts. It’s the way we recharge our batteries so that we are ready to cope with the world outside – the very noisy, busy, extroverted world.

Dan, on the other hand, is the extrovert in the house. He is very social. He loves being  and doing things with people. He absolutely loves his time at Yellow Bridge during the week and his weekend activities with the Boys Group and support workers. At Yellow Bridge Dan is noted for his friendliness and helpfulness. Every morning he goes around and shakes every client’s hand as they arrive. And when someone new arrives, Dan is the first to make them feel welcome.

Dan is also very active. He likes to be out and about doing things. He doesn’t like sitting quietly. I think he finds that very boring, so his week is filled with activities like Gym, swimming, bowling and bushwalking. And when he has respite on the weekends, as soon as the support worker arrives, Dan is out the door raring to go. He doesn’t even have time to say bye to Mum.

Although Dan’s autism does present some challenges, there are some aspects of autism that don’t seem to be a problem for him. Over time Dan has become a lot more flexible and is able to roll with changes in routine and he doesn’t appear to get anxious about things. He always seems to be happy and outgoing, which does make life a lot easier in some ways.

However, one extrovert in the house doesn’t always go so well with two introverts.

Dan doesn’t like to do things by himself. He finds it very difficult to occupy himself. One of Dan’s favourite activities is Lego and he is very good at following the instructions, finding the right pieces and putting it all together. But he likes to have someone sitting right next to him while he does it. If I set Dan up with some Lego or some other activity like a puzzle or his word book and leave him to do it himself, he will deliberately do it all silly and want me to fix it. Even though the only thing I need to do is turn the pages of the instruction book, he likes me (or somebody else) just to be there. He likes the social aspect of doing an activity together.

Despite being relatively non-verbal, Dan is quite vocal. He loves to sing. Loudly. At any time of the day or night. Continuously. Even though he struggles to string three words together, he can sing a whole song. The words might be a bit difficult to pick up but you can always tell what song he is singing by the tune. At other times, Dan will get fixed on one little phrase which we will hear over and over and over again. For two people who like their peace and quiet, it can get very tiring.

Now Dan has always loved singing and being active and I had never really thought about him as an extrovert until Bec made the connection just recently. We respect Dan’s needs for social interaction and we really do love that he enjoys music and singing so much, it’s just that sometimes it gets a little too much. Sometimes we just need a break. We need some quiet time to recharge our batteries.

Being a carer is tiring. Supporting Dan in his everyday needs just goes on and on. I know it’s not his fault. It’s just the way he is, but it still gets exhausting. The difference between Dan’s extroversion and our introversion just adds another layer to the everyday challenges of life. It’s tricky trying to balance the differing needs of all family members. That’s why respite is so important. Respite is not just an optional extra for carers; it’s essential for our health and well-being. As much as we love our extrovert in the house, we look forward to the time on our own. Dan gets to go out and have fun. We get peace and quiet. Everybody wins.