Turning 21 has been a significant milestone in a young person’s life for many years. Back in my parents time, during the 50s and 60s, 21 was the age when you were finally recognised as an adult. In those days you couldn’t purchase alcohol (or at least, not legally) or vote in elections until you had turned 21. Mind you there were still plenty of other things you could do, such as getting your driving license, paying taxes and so on. That changed in 1974 when the “legal” age was reduced to 18. However this fixation with the age of 21 does seem a bit strange when you think about it. Young people have been “adulting” long before they reached the age of 21 but perhaps you can blame medieval history. In that era 21 was the age when a page could become a knight, and so ever since then, I guess, 21 has remained a bit of a magic number.
My son Dan turned 21 just recently. Even in the 21st century it’s still a momentous event when your firstborn turns 21. It can be hard to believe that twenty-one whole years have passed since you first held that tiny baby in your arms. In those years he has taken his first steps, started school and learned many things far too numerous to list. These days many young people have already moved out of home and begun careers well before turning 21, so it is a wonder that 21st birthday parties are still a rite of passage. But hey, any excuse for a party.
Dan has autism so his celebration was perhaps a little bit different from the way other young people might celebrate their 21st. Dan knows when his birthday is, but being non-verbal he cannot tell you in words but he can find it on the calendar. He has this unique ability to know exactly what day and date it is. Dan’s grandmother has one of those perpetual calendars and sometimes she forgets to turn over the pages. It doesn’t matter how many days or weeks it has been, Dan will turn over the pages until it’s on the right date and he is always right.
In the weeks leading up to Dan’s birthday, we prepared him for the event. We would ask, “How old will you be?” This question was usually met with silence, so then we would ask, “What number will you be?” After a few times, he quickly learned that the answer was a very loud 21. I’m not sure if he quite understood the traditional significance of turning 21, but he knew it was a big deal.
Our family is spread out across Australia, so it is difficult for us all to get together in the same place, at the same time. Quite fortunately for Dan, we were gathering in Adelaide for my Dad’s 80th birthday, so it made sense to celebrate Dan’s birthday too. For this first celebration Dan had a lovely rainbow sponge. I was amazed at how light and moist it was, even with all the layers of colour. Dan even had a few early birthday presents: a puzzle mat and a 1000 piece puzzle of a lawnmower race, which was a bit like a Where’s Wally picture – thanks Uncle Dave!
When we returned to Toowoomba, I organised a cake for Dan to have with his friends at his support service, Yellow Bridge, on his actual birthday. They were all very excited about Dan’s birthday. I think birthdays are a special celebration at Yellow Bridge. After all, it is not every day that you get to have cake. This time Dan had a large butter cake decorated with blue and silver stars. One of Dan’s friends has an amazing memory for birthdays. He only has to ask you once and he will remember your birthday and take great delight in reminding you when your birthday is coming up. Dan’s birthday was never going to be a secret!
On the weekend after his birthday, we had a party for Dan at home with his family who live in Queensland. Dan was so excited. He gave everyone a hug when they arrived and took great care opening the presents. I am always impressed at the way people put a lot of thought into a gift for Dan, thinking about what he enjoys rather than what’s traditional for a twenty-first. This time Dan had a delicious mud cake, also decorated with blue, silver and white stars. It looked fantastic.
Dan’s life journey has been different. While the milestones and achievements are eventually reached, the timeframe has often been different. But a twenty-first is a twenty-first, no matter where you are on the journey. Dan may not be making important life decisions or moving out of home tomorrow, but we have had a wonderful celebration of his life with the people he loves. And you can’t ask for better than that.
Living on the Downs 